if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
