She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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