so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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