we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
