I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
