i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
