I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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