He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
