My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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