Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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