five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
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The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I still have a little drunk in my system
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize