dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
