My room smells like vodka and shame
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
