i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
