Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
