she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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