There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
