So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
