The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
