Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
