I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
