Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The air taste purple.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
