you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
