Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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