it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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