I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
