i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
