Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
