Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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