I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
