So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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