I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
