never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
