i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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