idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
