My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
