Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
