I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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