I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
