I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
