Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize