Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
