Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
