so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
