Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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