nut hugger
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
