I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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