Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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