I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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