I must be too annoying 4 u.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
