just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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