Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
