How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
