you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
home. puking in laundry basket.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
