just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
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We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.