i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
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We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.