omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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