We're like a lot better than the average bears
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.