I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.