Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
