The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
