Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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