At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
