My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
