Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
