I wish I could teleport
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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