K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize