I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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