i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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