Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
