I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
