So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
porn star boner night. come get it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
