this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
