you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
