I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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