I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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