Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
